Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
