He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
