Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
