oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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