It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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