why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
