her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
