I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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