Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
