Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Randomize
