went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
