I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
