You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
