My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Found your dick twin last night
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
