you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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