is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
