actually, I'm a sock model
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Randomize
