Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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