"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
