This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Randomize