Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
