porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I wish I only lived at night.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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