Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
im six kinds of drunk right now
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
