1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
