oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He felt like a one man threesome
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
