They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize