After last night, I could never be a politician.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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