i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
