i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
