Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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