Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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