Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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