do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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