from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
