You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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