If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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