SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He did a backflip because drugs
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
