I hate your face
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
