I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
