Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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