so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
My cat gives me a boner
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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