that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
