You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
