nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
