why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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