to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
So apparently I’m into choking now
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
