It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
