Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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