you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
