so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Semen is not good for contacts.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
