Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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