see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
