The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
