Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
