I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
