Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
