make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
