bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
