Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize