I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
