His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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