My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
