hotel room ftw
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
