so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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