i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
