Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
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