that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
4 words: hood of his car
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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