my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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