Swine flu. Run for my life!
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I will pee on everything he values.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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