so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
