apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
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