We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
