3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
